All posts in “Outdoor and Fitness Desk”

This is Where America’s Best Zombie-Fighting Knives, Swords and Axes Are Made

A version of this article originally appeared in the Craftsmanship issue of Gear Patrol Magazine with the headline “Death Metal.” Subscribe today

Joey Arbour is appalled. Or maybe he’s feigning it, I can’t really tell. I’ve known him for only eight hours and we’ve been drinking beer for the last five. He’s staring at me, blue eyes wide, brow furrowed. For the first time all day, there’s an uninterrupted silence. It had seemed like a reasonable enough question to ask: If you’re going to have an artist create a portrait using only beer as the paint, why choose Nicola Tesla as the subject?

Why Tesla? “Because he’s fucking awesome!”

Joey lowers his can of Pabst Blue Ribbon, nestled in a coozie reading “A Fist Full of Fuck Yeah,” to the arm of the second-dirtiest chair in all creation. The dirtiest is to his immediate right. Finally, he blurts an answer:

“Because he’s fucking awesome!”

About this there’s no disagreement from any of the five of Joey’s employees sitting around an enormous table stacked high with empty PBR cans and rapidly filling ashtrays. In fact, the group considers Joey’s opinion of the Serbian-American inventor to be manifestly true, along with the contention that Tesla’s rival, Thomas Edison, was kind of a dick.

Other things that the crew believe to be true: if you’re going to drink and smoke, your goal should be to do so until you sound like Tom Waits; physicists suck, David Bowie was great, Hunter Thompson was the best; and that, at more than 1,000 pages, Carl Sandburg’s only novel, Remembrance Rock, is a little tedious.

Oh, and they believe in beer. And in fine, sturdy, sharp swords and knives. But as far as I can tell, none of the 10 employees of Joey’s Missoula-based company, Zombie Tools, believes in zombies or the zombie apocalypse. This despite the fact that the company, in business now for 11 years, with a dedicated following and some 15,000 blades sold, once used the tagline “Accessories for the Apocalypse.”

Also, “zombie” is right there in the name.

Dan Griffin, Joey Arbour and Josh Eamon make up nearly a third of ZT’s crew. Their metalworking skills come from training. Their skills at posing come naturally.

Truth is, even 10-year-old Joey didn’t care about zombies. Instead, he was transfixed by the massive sword he saw in the hands of a fully-inflated Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 1982 movie Conan the Barbarian. Joey would pull up fence posts and swing them around in pitched, imaginary backyard battles.

Shortly afterward, he “fell in love with stabbing people” (his words). Luckily, that was still mostly in the realm of fantasy. He joined the Society for Creative Anachronism, a deeply nerdy national organization that splits up the U.S. into imaginary kingdoms — as depicted on a faux-medieval map with a fierce-looking sea monster destroying a ship off the coast of Oregon — and holds mock battles in full costume, with sword fights and such. It was at these SCA events that Joey discovered an interest in rapier fighting.

When he moved to Missoula in 1996 at 22 years old, he was a sword fighter with no one to sword fight. During the day he toiled away at the Missoulian newspaper. During  the course of his 10-year tenure, and without any formal training, he went from an entry-level gig at the paper to a position as a graphic designer, which he followed up with five years at a local print shop. But at night he listened to crust-core bands like Neurosis and frequented dive bars. It was at just such a dive, the Flipper bar and casino, back in the year 2000, where he met a like-minded and darkly creative fellow named Maxon “Max” McCarter.

“Man, we did a lot more drinking back then,” says Joey, drinking.

Together, the two formed what they called the Drunken Jedi Pirate Circus, which mostly amounted to Joey and Max going at each other with rubber-tipped swords and bamboo sticks while wearing fencing masks and some basic body padding. But the swords were expensive, so they decided to try to make their own.

Around 2005, Joey and Max held what they called the “Giving Up Heavy Metal for Sharp Steel” sale, where Joey sold his Peavey bass and bass amp. “I could only keep a rhythm for thirty seconds,” he says. The profit from that, plus whatever Max sold (Joey can’t quite remember, explaining that “the beer and the whacks to the nog have made those years a bit of a blur.”), was enough to buy a belt grinder and the basics for sword making.

The pair constructed the “world’s most dangerous forge” in Max’s carport: a half-barrel filled with blazing hot coals attached to a shop vac running in reverse, designed to stoke the device to terrifying temperatures. They managed to not burn down the carport, and also to not make very good swords. Joey still has his first blade. It’s inside a case in the shop office, buried under a pile of Aflac pamphlets (Zombie Tools recently started offering its employees health insurance).

The duo persevered, honing their skills. Ever the fan of jocular titles, they named their blade-making operation the Bloody Dick Armory, ostensibly named after Montana’s Bloody Dick River.

“We figured we should be wrong, but we should be Montana, too,” Joey says.

The ribald double meaning was lost on no one, and the company didn’t last more than a year. “The old-timers really didn’t like that,” Joey explains. Later, the name would be changed to Thanatic Swords, a reference to Thanatos, the ancient Greek personification of death.

A longtime player in the dark arts, Max produced some local live-action horror shows — performance art by way of blood and gore. At one such event, Joey’s girlfriend lay on a table surrounded by people wearing raven masks while Max pretended to pull her heart out. (The organ was actually a buffalo heart sourced from a local butcher.) Later, they were hired to build a horror set called the Wild West Zombie Brothel. “So we had zombies on the brain,” Joey says. This was in 2007, before AMC’s The Walking Dead turned the entire American populace into mindless, slavering fans of the undead.

Along the way, the pair picked up another friend, Chris Lombardi, a sword-curious photographer for a local online news outlet. At a party in October of that year, Joey, Max and Chris began planning their new blade-making company. They weren’t interested in making reproductions of historical weapons, or fantasy swords. In a moment of clarity, they decided that if they latched onto the zombie thing, it would allow them to indulge in the dark side to which they were so clearly drawn, while also treating the whole endeavor with their characteristic lack of reverence.

They would build weapons of whatever size and shape and style they liked. They would build solid, usable blades — not wall hangings. They would be, in the parlance of blades, “battle ready.” The three men would have fun doing it. And they would drink beer.

It was the resurgence of the zombie as an entertainment and cultural trope that inspired the company’s name. It also nearly led to the founding trio’s stardom. In 2011, in the midst of zombie mania, the three founders made a pact with the devil. They signed up to film a reality television program on The Science Channel called Surviving Zombies.

“It was a real education in reality TV, which isn’t reality,” says Joey. Instead of focusing on the shop and blade making, the producers wanted the trio to build an apocalypse bunker out in the hills, which the guys didn’t know or care about. With two episodes in the can and facing the reality of shutting down the shop in favor of shooting B-rate TV, the guys quit. Or as the Zombie Tools website puts it, they had to choose between being “jerk-offs on TV” or “continuing to be jerk-offs making blades and growing our business.”

Feast Your Eyes on Nike’s Unreleased Running Shoe Used to Break the Two-Hour Marathon

Well, it’s official — even if it’s unofficial. With the help of a flat, optimized course, a crew of elite pacers and Maurten supplementation, Eliud Kipchoge did what was once considered impossible over the weekend: run a marathon in under two hours. Though it’s not an actual world record (thanks to the aforementioned factors), it’s still an incredible feat, one that’s left many people asking about one other key ingredient: Was it the shoes??

Ah yes, the shoes. Tackling this challenge in Vienna, Austria, Kipchoge — the current marathon world record holder and 2016 Olympic champ — laced up a pair of as-yet-unreleased Nike Next% running sneakers. While the brand continues to play it a bit close to the vest, thanks to some investigative work by Believe in the Run, we do know a few things about these mystical shoes. 

The blog uncovered a filing with the US Patent and Trademark Office that reveals the specifics of what may be this particular shoe, which may be called the alphaFLY. Short takeaway: this thing is funky, flexy and fast. What follows are some of the highlights. 

Carbon Fiber Is Critical

The sole consists of four cushioning pods, two layers of midsole foam and (wait for it) three carbon-fiber plates. That’s two more than any other shoe, and now we can’t help thinking of the Schick/Gillette razor race of yesteryear, when they just kept adding blades, to the point where an Onion article started as a joke and became reality. 

The Divided Midsole Has Many Layers

The midsole has four different levels, and it’s fully segmented between the heel and forefoot, with the rear section looking comically beefy but not all that different from past Vaporfly shoes. Meanwhile, the forefoot really showcases the plates and cushioning pods, which are either filled with fluid or foam. 

Energy Return Seems Inevitable

The plates and pods team up to prevent hotspots, nurture a more responsive ride and add extra stability, theorizes Believe in the Run’s Robbe Reddinger, who adds that there must be some energy return involved as well, considering what Kipchoge was able to accomplish.

We’ve Seen This Upper Before

The lightweight, meshlike upper appears consistent with material seen on track spikes at the recent World Championships in Doha, so it’s likely Nike strongly believes in this approach and that we will see it on a variety of shoes in the future.

Time will tell if consumers will be able to purchase these exact shoes or some sort of modified version. Meantime, the next best thing is the Nike ZoomX Vaporfly NEXT% ($250), a pretty kickass shoe in its own right. 

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Everything You Need to Seriously Upgrade Your Next Camping Trip Is on Sale Now

If the main thing stopping you from spending a weekend (or longer) immersed in the Great Outdoors is a lack of proper equipment, well, that hangup just went out the window, courtesy of REI. The outdoor industry giant just kicked off a massive Labor Day sale, offering literally hundreds of items for up to 40 percent off. The sale features a huge range of items, but to help you zero in on upgrading your camp kit, we’ve compiled 10 of our favorite discounted items below. Click away for everything you need to pack, hike, cook, camp and sleep — and kiss those air-conditioned excuses goodbye.

Pack

Osprey Talon 44 Pack

Save 25%: All Osprey Sirrus, Stratus, Tempest and Talon packs are discounted, including $40 off this trail-ready 44-liter option.

Gregory Zulu 40 Pack

Save 50%: All Gregory Amber, Stout and Wander packs are 25 percent off, while this Gregory Zulu pack is an incredible half off.

Hike

KEEN Venture Mid WP Hiking Boots

Save 20%: Shave $36 off this excellent waterproof hiking boot.

Asolo Fugitive GTX Hiking Boots

Save 20%: Knock $53 off the price of this burly Italian hiker.

Cook

BioLite Wood Burning CampStove 2 with FlexLight

Save 25%: All BioLite firepits, stoves and headlamps are on sale, including a savings of $33 on this awesome wood-fired setup.

MSR Ceramic Flex Skillet

Save 25%: All MSR PocketRocket Stoves and Stove Kits, Canister Stoves, Cookware, Dromedary Bags Gravity Filters, Pump Filters and Purifiers are discounted, including $10 off this handy skillet.

Camp

REI Co-op Grand Hut 4 Tent

Save 33%: Shelter yourself and three friends and save $99. The bigger Grand Hut 6 Tent is 30 percent off, too.

Marmot Tungsten 2P UL Tent

Save 25%: All Marmot Limelight tents and Tungsten Series tents and footprints are discounted, including $75 off this two-person shelter.

Sleep

NEMO Switchback Sleeping Pad

Save 25%: All NEMO Hornet tents and footprints are on sale, as is this innovative sleeping pad, which is $13 off the regular length.

Therm-a-Rest Hyperion 32 Down Sleeping Bag

Save 25%: All Therm-a-Rest sleeping pads and sleeping bags are discounted, including $95 off this featherweight beauty.

Note: Purchasing products through our links may earn us a portion of the sale, which supports our editorial team’s mission. Learn more here.

Watch This Week In Gear, Episode One: We Review the All-New Porsche 911, Apple Airpods & More

Welcome to the premiere episode of Gear Patrol’s first video series: This Week In Gear, the ultimate news show for gear enthusiasts.

As the definitive executive briefing on what’s new in product culture, every week we’ll be talking shop about the latest and best gear, from outdoor & fitness, automotive and tech to home, style, grooming and watches. Hosted by Editor-in-Chief Eric Yang, every episode will feature insights from Gear Patrol staff experts as well as field tests, interviews, buying advice and beyond.

In this episode of This Week In Gear: Nick Caruso gives a rundown of the all-new 2020 Porsche 911 Carrera S; Tanner Bowden introduces The James Brand Ellis multitool; Jacob Sotak explains just how hugely advanced the Orvis H3 fly rod is; and Tucker Bowe describes what’s new in Apple’s second-generation AirPods. Also in this episode, a lightning-round Q&A with Staff Writer Meg Lappe.

This episode of This Week In Gear is presented by Crown & Caliber: the convenient online marketplace for pre-owned luxury watches. Visit crownandcaliber.com/gearpatrol to get $175 towards any watch purchase until May 31st.

Featured Products

2020 Porsche 911 Carrera S

Porsche’s all-new 911 is, as expected, a tremendous performer.

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The James Brand ‘The Ellis’

The brand’s first multi-tool is a gorgeous shot across the Swiss Army Knife’s bow.

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Orvis Helios 3D 8-Weight 9′ Fly Rod

“Without a doubt, the most scientifically accurate rod ever produced.”

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Apple AirPods with Wireless Charging Case

The second-generation earbuds feature incremental tweaks, which means they’re still great.

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Note: Purchasing products through our links may earn us a portion of the sale, which supports our editorial team’s mission. Learn more here.